


Forlorn Hope

by DRHPaints



Series: Barry and Amber [4]
Category: Barry (TV 2018), Bill Hader - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Referenced Gun Violence, Trauma, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:40:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Amber decides to seek help for her mental health issues, nervous that Barry will be scared off when he understands the breadth of her illness. Seeing her distress, Barry explains his experience in Korengal, the two of them finding solace in one another's arms.
Relationships: Barry Berkman/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Barry and Amber [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015437
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Forlorn Hope

Heeled foot jiggling in the air, Amber tossed aside what had to be the dozenth outdated magazine, fingers resuming their incessant need to crawl over one another in her lap.

“Hey…” Barry leaned in, voice soft as he touched his hand to her thigh. “It’s okay. Just...be honest, right? That’s...they’ll be able to help if you tell them what’s going on.”

“Yeah...right. Yeah.” Amber nodded hastily. Nerves ragged, Amber finally decided to take Barry up on his suggestion of seeing a psychiatrist after things got to the point where she couldn’t even bring herself to go to the club anymore. As with everything else, it came on gradually, but it frightened Amber how the growth in symptoms seemed exponential now. One evening, swirling atop a stout man with a bad combover, it was as if someone bent close, lips pressed against her ear, clearly audible over the thumping music.

“ _ He wants to kill you. _ ”

Freezing, Amber looked down at the man, awash in ecstasy. “What did you say?” Grabbing him by the lapel of his jacket, teeth bared and eyes wild, Amber shook him violently.

“Nothin’ darling.” Pudgy hands aloft, the man stared at her curiously. “I swear. Just enjoyin’ the show.”

Releasing him, Amber forced herself to finish, tried to push it away from her mind and quiet her trembling limbs. But a couple of weeks later, when she woke in the middle of the night, Barry’s strong arms draped loosely about her, and saw Him, standing there, beside the bed, wicked smile plastered on his wrinkled face and extending a hand toward her in the darkness, Amber thought she would scream forever.

She didn’t explain to Barry exactly who it was in the room with them that night. It took him long enough to calm her as it was, and Amber wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. But she thought perhaps someday, when she summoned the courage, Barry would understand. Afterall, it was usually slumbering Barry disturbed by thrashing limbs and crying gasps. Barry whose wet, cobalt eyes buried themselves between her breasts, begging for dawn, for mercy, hoping the memories would give him peace for one pass of the moon. 

Amber asked him if he wanted to talk about it, if Barry wanted to put a name to the nightmares. But Barry said he’d rather forget, eager to let the spirits evaporate amidst the sunshine, denying the likelihood of their return once twilight fell. 

And so Amber was grateful to have Barry beside her as the nurse called her name, unearthing the paperwork from her purse as she walked down the hall to the doctor’s office. 

Pastel walls and soothing paintings. Nothing like the German hospital, Barry thought, as they took their seats opposite the slender woman a few years older than themselves with a severe haircut and thick rimmed glasses. The questions she asked, however, those were painfully familiar. Barry remembered all too well going over that arduous list. And as he sat next to Amber, he knew before her mouth opened which queries would prove difficult based on the pressure of her hand.

“Do you have a history of drug or alcohol abuse?”

Relaxed. Amber shook her head. “Nope. I drink socially, but not often. And I smoked weed in high school, but didn’t enjoy it much.”

Several others passed without fanfare. “Do you have a history of sexual abuse?”

Vice-like grip. Barry gritted his teeth, eyes falling closed as the muscle in his sharp jaw flashed. It wasn’t as if he didn’t suspect. Once in bed together, in his mad pawing over her pale skin, Barry’s fingers drifted to her throat. Not intentionally. And barely for a moment. But Amber went still beneath him. Silent. Barry stopped. Looking down, Amber’s green eyes were far away. “It’s okay.” Swallowing, it sounded as if Amber were speaking to him from the end of a long corridor. “Keep going.” But Barry couldn’t. Climbing off, he tried to get Amber to come back to him, but it wasn’t until she rose the next morning that her brain seemed to reset.

But hearing Amber explain what happened, even in vague terms, her voice high and small, filled Barry with a blinding rage, his knuckles whitening on the arm of the chair to avoid returning the squeeze on her hand.

When the doctor started asking about psychotic symptoms, Amber squirmed uncomfortably. “Do you ever feel like you’re receiving secret messages from people? Or that you find hidden meaning in things?”

“No.” Amber shook her head, considering. “I don’t think so.”

Nodding, the doctor made a note on her pad. “Do you ever get the feeling that you are being watched? Or that people around you can tell what you’re thinking?”

Biting her lip, Amber looked to Barry and hesitated. Barry bent forward, rubbing her forearm. “Honey, it’s...it’s okay. Just be honest, remember?”

Amber bobbed her head, swallowing. “Yeah...yeah, I do.”

“How often would you say you have these thoughts?” The doctor tilted her head, pen poised. 

Face warming, Amber studied the carpet. “Most...most of the time. When, um...when I’m around more than...when I’m around people I don’t know.” Eyes stinging, Amber didn’t want to cry. Didn’t want to talk about this. Didn’t want to be in this doctor’s office. Didn’t want to be a crazy woman holding the hand of her boyfriend who was sure to leave her if she kept answering all of these goddamn questions.

Amber didn’t want to be herself anymore. Tears breaching, she snatched one of the tissues, wiping her face reluctantly. “Would you like to take a break?” The doctor offered, setting down her pen.

“No.” Amber shook her head, balling up the tissue. “Let’s...let’s just get this over with.”

Barry wanted to hold her, pull Amber into his lap and wrap his powerful arms around her for the remainder of the questions, but he knew that would be impractical, so he did what he could to impart a consoling touch through his hand as Amber bore on, rubbing small circles into her wan flesh until things finally came to an end.

Walking away with a prescription she could barely pronounce, cold and empty, Amber let Barry open the car door for her before shuffling inside. “Hey…” Barry combed back her crimson hair, hoping to catch her eye, but Amber stared at her lap. “Amber...I...I know how hard that was and…” Resting their foreheads together, Barry cupped her opposite cheek with his large hand. “I’m really proud of you.”

Amber covered her mouth, shaking her head as she folded forward. Back quaking, tears, hot and wet spilled out as she struggled to catch her breath. “Don’t say that!” Barry jumped when her fist hit the car door and Amber’s red, drenched face turned to him. “I know! I know you think…” Lips quivering, Amber swallowed, red strands of hair stuck to her face. “Now you know how crazy I am and...and…” Smearing a palm over her face, Amber sobbed. “You’ll leave. And…” Breath hitching, Amber paused, and when she spoke again her voice was flat, dry. “And I can’t blame you.” Staring out at the parking lot, her arms fell to her lap. “Who wouldn’t.”

For a moment Barry let her sit in silence. Leaning over the center console, he carefully took Amber’s hand. It lay in his own like a dead fish, and as Barry rested his square chin on her shoulder, he wasn't entirely certain Amber heard him. 

“Amber…” Squeezing her fingers in his large grip, Barry kept his voice soft. “I don’t think that. And…” Nestling into her, Barry’s voice broke. “I’m...as long as you’ll keep me around, I’m not going anywhere, okay?” 

Amber didn’t react. Barry’s heart hammered against his chest. He considered confessing to her before, when Amber first said she was going to the doctor and expressed her apprehension. But Barry’s fears of scaring her away proved overwhelming.

“Amber, there’s...there’s something I should tell you…” Shifting his knees toward her, Barry blinked. “I...I’ve been in...a mental hospital. Before.”

Like a woman emerging from underwater, Amber turned to him, lens lifting from her green eyes. “What?”

Barry nodded. “Yeah...something…” Sitting back in his seat, Barry took Amber’s hand with him. “Something happened. When I was in the service, and, um…” Voice tremulous, Barry swallowed. “They sent me there before I was discharged.”

Tilting her head, Amber leaned in. “Can...will you tell me? What happened?”

Barry’s glassy blue eyes locked into hers, pleading. “Amber...you…” Shaking his head, Barry’s lids fell shut and two rivulets of tears trickled down his chiseled cheeks. “I’m scared. I don’t think…” Barry stared down at their joined hands. “I don’t think you’ll want to be with me anymore if you know.”

Amber quietly traced his lengthy fingers. “Barry...that’s what I thought about going in there…” Glancing at the office building, she gave a half smile. “I thought...if you knew everything, you...you’d run. And you’re still here, so…” Amber shrugged and reached up to comb through his chestnut waves. “Barry, I...I can’t think of anything that would make me want to leave you.”

Taking a shuddering breath, Barry couldn’t look at Amber as he told her about Korengal. About Albert. About the innocent man whose blood stained his skin, whose wife’s screams haunted his nightmares.

“Oh Barry…” Raising her hand to caress his rough cheek, Amber pulled Barry in, speaking softly against his ear. “Honey, you...that was an awful situation. You...you’re not a bad person. That...what happened was terrible. But you couldn’t be expected to know. How could you?”

Barry’s tears dotted her sleeve as he sniffed against Amber’s neck. “So you don’t...you don’t think I’m…” Voice shrinking Barry tugged her waist close. “A monster? Or...or anything like that?”

Pulling back, Amber stared sadly at Barry’s begging deep blue eyes. “Oh Barry, no. No, of course I don’t.” Amber polished his sharp cheekbone with her thumb. “You’re just a man.” Catching his pink lips in a salty kiss, she broke away with a smile. “You’re a good man, Barry.”

Barry looped his strong arms around her and for a few minutes they sat in the car, quietly holding one another until their faces dried and their breathing slowed. Silently parting, Barry relaxed back into his seat with a nod, starting the engine and driving back to his apartment.

Wordless, they walked upstairs hand in hand. Once inside, Amber shed her purse and jacket, stepping out of her shoes. Tugging on the front of Barry’s shirt, she tilted her head toward the bedroom. With a nod, Barry followed. 

They undressed themselves in the same dispassionate manner one would as if another person weren’t present before climbing into bed together. Retrieving a condom from the drawer, Barry set it on the mattress, brushing Amber’s crimson tresses away from her face. They spent a couple of minutes looking at one another, fingers barely touching atop the sheets before mutually scooting forward.

Mouths meeting, their tongues spoke of sorrow, of relief, of gratitude as Amber opened herself to Barry and he soon found himself ensconced in her depths. Bodies rolling, Amber sought Barry’s hand, entwining their fingers as they shared breath and he whirled her to a quivering end again and again. 

After his shivering subsided, Barry shifted onto his side. Pulling himself free, he knotted the condom and placed it on the bedside stand, the idea of leaving Amber abhorrent to him as Barry scooped her into his powerful arms, stubbled chin scraping over the sensitive skin of her neck.

“Hey Amber?” Hardly whispering, Barry's eyes fell shut and took a deep breath. “I...I love you.” Amber’s body stiffened beneath him and Barry tucked his face in close. “I’m sorry. If...if you don’t want me to…” Squeezing tight, Barry inhaled, trying to absorb Amber’s scent, her skin, her soul. “I’ll...I’ll try to stop.”

Amber threaded her fingers into the dark tendrils at the base of his neck, leg hugging around Barry’s waist. “No.” She murmured. “Barry. I love you, too.”

“Really?” Voice high and cracking, Barry’s mouth smushed up against her, fingers digging into Amber’s flesh. “You’re…” Maybe if Barry kept his eyes closed the tears wouldn’t come. “You’re not just saying it to...to make me feel better?”

Head shaking against his broad shoulder, Amber’s lips moved by his ear. “No. I mean it.”

Lids firmly shut, Barry kissed his way back to her mouth. Hands needy and tongues demanding, tiny noises of what could’ve been pain or pleasure escaped them as they writhed alongside one another, Barry stiffening between Amber’s parted legs.

“I…” Barry rocked his hips forward, grabbing Ambers ass and pulling her toward himself. Barry was afraid to open his eyes, afraid if he did he might wake up, that the dream might fade and he would find himself with cold sheets and a colder heart. “I need you again. Please.”

“Yeah.” Amber breathed, nodding insistently, corralling him in with her ankle. “Yes.”

Reaching over to the drawer for another condom, Amber touched a hand to his vast shoulder. “Barry, just…” Emerald gaze piercing him, she swallowed significantly. “Just...go inside. I’ll…” Cupping Barry’s sculpted jaw, Amber studied his face. “I’ll get a pill tomorrow. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah.” Nose flaring, Barry’s sapphire eyes held an urgency approaching anguish as he placed the wide head of his cock at her dewy entrance. “Yeah, okay.”

Thrusting inside with a strangled cry, Barry brought a large hand to the small of Amber’s back, her thigh over his hip as they immediately began humping wildly despite their recent release.

“Oh fuck... _ fuck _ , Amber, you feel so good…” Driving himself into the warm clutch of her depths, Barry struggled to move the arm trapped against the mattress to position his thumb over her clit as Amber clung to his broad frame and their bodies collided.

“ _ Yes! Yes, Barry! Fuck! I love you! I love having you inside me! Yes!”  _ Amber cried. Bearing onto his thick cock, she fisted her fingers in Barry’s dark locks, fingers snatching at his love handle in desperate hopes of dragging him closer.

“Amber, I love you so much...” Barry frantically tried to kiss her panting mouth, shoving himself forward, kneading the flesh of Amber’s ass. “Can I cum inside you? Please, I…” Eyes screwing up with a fluttering whimper, Barry’s hips hammered forth. “I...I don’t think I’ll be able to stop…”

“ _ Yes!”  _ Amber moaned, nodding eagerly, catching Barry’s pink lips as she flickered around his pummeling cock. “ _ Fuck! Yes, cum in me, Barry! Please. I want to feel it. Please! Fuck! Cum inside me!” _

“Amber…” Kicking in the sheets, Barry’s nails scraped over her creamy thigh as he raced over her clit, pounding feverishly. “Will you cum with me? Please? Huh? Can you?  _ Fuck! Fuck!” _

“ _ Barry! Yes! I’m cumming! Yes!”  _ Violently constricting around him, Barry exploded with a yelping whine, smacking his powerful arms around Amber’s shaking curves and jerking forward again and again, hot cum flooding her as she continued to throb around his pulsing cock.

Shuddering, their eyes were damp and Barry and Amber held one another’s sweating skin. When Barry tried to retract after they composed themselves, Amber shook her head, leg tightening around him. “No.” Whispering, she touched a kiss to the joint of his sturdy jaw. “Stay inside.”

Barry nodded, rolling onto his back and bringing Amber with him. Legs opened over his waist, Barry softened inside of her, sitting them up a little as he reached down to grab the sheet. Nestling down together, Amber rested her head on his built chest, the rise and fall of Barry’s breathing lulling her to sleep. 

Weight of her body atop him soothing, Barry played with Amber’s auburn tresses until his fingers grew lazy and his eyes heavy.

Barely conscious, blue moonlight flooded the room and Barry couldn’t discern whether it was an instant after nightfall or a moment before dawn. Dreams leaking over into reality, Barry’s mind spun images of Amber, of their naked bodies melding, touching, kissing. 

Body rolling, Barry was achingly hard. Mouth thick and eyes blinking, he then realized the unfamiliar pressure on top of him was a body. Amber. And Barry remained inside, gently gliding his stiff cock in and out of her drenched pussy as she slumbered.

Barry froze. Not wanting to wake her, Barry didn’t see he had any other choice. “Amber?” Whispering softly, he touched a kiss to her forehead, fingers threading over her hair. “Amber, honey?”

With a dissatisfied grumble, Barry noticed she’d been drooling onto his chest and grinned, brushing his lips to her again as Amber rubbed her face. “Hmm?”

“Sorry, I...I just…” The urge to move his hips was nearly insatiable and Barry squirmed.

“Oh!” Squeezing around him in her alarm, Barry let out a gasp of delight, big hands going to Amber’s ass and rotating his pelvis forward.

“Oh fuck...sorry…” Barry swallowed, settling back on the mattress. “I just…” Puffing out his cheeks, Barry blinked up at the ceiling. “I was dreaming. About...about fucking you. And then I woke up and we were like this and…” Barry couldn’t resist one timid tip forward. “And damn, Amber, I…” Fingers kneading into her flesh, Barry’s nose flared. “I...I kind of want to...fuck you really hard right now.”

“Yeah?” Alert, Amber took Barry’s handsome face in both hands, her eyes seeming to glow in the darkness. “What were you dreaming about, Barry? Huh?” Purposely clenching around him, Barry emitted a low groan, spine arching and eyes closing. Amber’s lips traced the line of his sharp jaw, pausing at his ear. “Was I riding your big cock, huh?” Without warning she bounced her hips rapidly, shoving Barry repeatedly into the restrictive heat of her pussy until he drew up his knees and planted his heels in the mattress. “Like that?” Amber gave a chuckling whisper, nipping at his joined earlobe. “You wanna fuck me hard just like that, Barry?”

“Yeah…” Barry braced his upper back, hips leaving the bed as he began slamming inside. “ _ Fuck! Yes, Amber! So good!”  _

Barry slipped his fingers between her thighs, spinning fervently as Amber folded against him, pelvis leaping as the pitch of her ecstasy rose. “ _ Yes! Fuck!  _ Is this what you wanted, Barry?” She cried, jostled by his pummeling cock. “Or do you want to hold me down and just fucking pound me?  _ Huh?” _ Tugging on Barry’s short, dark hair, Amber saw sparks fly behind his cobalt eyes she never before witnessed. “You want to, Barry?”

“Oh  _ fuck _ yes.” Face unsure, Barry raised an expressive eyebrow. “Can I?”

Amber grinned. “Yes.”

Barry flipped her over with a grunt, twisting his sizable hand into Amber’s red tendrils as he mashed their mouths together. Hammering her with his massive cock, Barry’s fingers raced over Amber’s engorged clit and her screams drowned out the warning creaks of the bed frame as he came up on one knee.

“ _ Fuck! Yes! Amber!”  _ Barry hoisted her leg over his shoulder, determined to penetrate her as deep as possible, nailing her mercilessly into the mattress as her nails clawed over his wide back.

“ _ Barry! Barry, fuck! Yes! I...I… _ ” Squeezing around him with a shriek, Amber convulsed, nearly cracking her forehead into Barry’s in her writhing as he continued ruthlessly crashing their hips together. 

“ _ Fuck, you feel so good! Amber! Fuck! Yes!” _ Barry’s brain distantly registered a neighbor knocking on the wall and yelling, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he rubbed Amber’s clit until she wailed and rattled beneath him.

“ _ Barry! Yes! Fuck me! Just like that! I love it!” _ Throat raw, Amber scrambled over Barry’s pallid flesh, greedily rutting against him in search of another wave of euphoria as he rocketed inside.

“ _ Oh fuck! Amber! Fuck!”  _ Laying her flat, Barry humped rapidly, mouth millimeters from Amber’s and struggling to keep his eyes open. “Can I...can I cum in you again? Huh?” Tongue darting over his lips, Barry hastily brushed back her hair to better see Amber’s face. “Please?”

“Yeah.” Amber nodded exuberantly as Barry whimpered, strokes growing uncoordinated. “Cum. Cum inside me, Barry.”

“ _ Yes! Yes, fuck! Amber! Fuck! FUCK!” _ Barry crammed himself in to the hilt, sharp jaw hanging open as his left eye twitched. Muscles flexed, a roiling groan that morphed into a teetering whine broke from his pink lips as Barry juddered forth, pulse after pulse of warm cum draining inside of Amber before he fell atop of her, limp and sweating.

Despite his reluctance, Barry eventually removed himself from Amber and she tucked herself under his strong arm, fingers trickling through his dark chest hair and humming appreciatively as his hand caressed the line of her curves. 

Tipping up her chin, Amber traced Barry’s lower lip. “I love you, Barry.”

Crooked, goofy grin spreading over his wide mouth, Barry gathered her close, touching a kiss to Amber’s forehead. “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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